Kau Lui Guide

This Kau Lui guide was mentioned at Kennysia's blog and i find it interesting so i decided to copy and paste it here and share with those who never read it before.

It's actually written by a blogger Elaine:
http://www.xanga.com/Elaine_CYL/509905460/item.html
P.S.: The 'me' or 'I' mentioned below is not Martin (me), it's Elaine the blogger.

Oh be a MAN already.
Have you ever been in this situation? You're at a bookstore/gym/cafe/party/conference. Things seem uneventful enough. Until *bingo*, you see someone cute. As in, really cute--you can't keep your eyes off him. Every twenty seconds or so, you casually scan the area, and are not satisfied until you know exactly where he/she is. And lo and behold, he/she is showing signs of interest as well! Your glances are reciprocated each and every time, and he seems very co-operative in the most important event in the Pre-Acquaintance Flirting Olympics: 'casually walking past each other'. And so you eagerly wait for him to approach you.

But. He. Never. Does.

And you leave the place not only feeling terribly disappointed, but with a hideous gash in your self-esteem. Was it because my butt looked fat? Was it because he hated what I was wearing? Was my hair frizzy? My skin too pale?

I've been through it countless times. And all my friends have to say about it is, 'maybe he's waiting for you to make the move.'

That is it. Once and for all, the rule should be set: The GUY does the approaching. Kapische? The GUY. If you're interested, and you let the chance slip by just because she didn't make the move, that's just pathetic. If you hold back because of nerves... what the heck have you got to lose anyway? The worst that could happen is that she's a total bitch, in which case she wasn't worth it to begin with, in which case you are free to walk away and try someone worthier. Yes, it's that simple. Now do the male thing already and gravitate, baby, GRAVITATE to the female that registers in your head as 'hot'.

As is the nature of my greatness,
I am here to help.
Here are some ideas on how to strike up a conversation with a stranger that catches your eye.

First of all, there is nothing inherently wrong about just walking up to someone and asking for her number, as long as you're nice about it. If anyone says it's a rude thing to do, punch him/her in the face and say 'Oh yeah? Well how's that?'

Not that that's any nicer, but it's just your personal favour for me.

Anyway.

BOOKSTORE

1. Glance at the bookshelf she's standing in front of, and pick a title at random. Then pretend to scan the shelf with a vexed expression for a few seconds, then approach the girl and ask her 'Excuse me, did you happen to see this book--The Interpreter? It's supposed to be on this shelf but I can't seem to find it...'
   
2. Check out the book she's reading, then go up to her and say 'No way--you like Ian Holt? Have you ever read "..."? It's my personal favourite.' Of course, you'll have to do some homework before using this trick.
3. If she's walking around, go up to her and ask 'Miss, do you know where the law section is? I'm a bit lost.' Then tell her an elaborate tale of how you usually shop at 1 Utama, not Mid Valley, and the store layout is completely different here... then say 'I'm John, by the way' and put your hand out for a shake, LET GO OF HER HAND before she yells for the security guards, and ask her if she prefers Starbucks or Coffee Bean.

CAFE
How perfect is that? She's already sitting down and won't be going anywhere for a while.

1. Ask her if the seat next to her is taken, and if she would mind if you joined her.
   
2. If she isn't alone, buy her a drink (I recommend a bottle of Esprit fruit juice--you don't know her taste in coffee, and she can take it with her if she's already ordered a drink and wants to save yours for later) and have it sent to her table, making sure the waiter tells her exactly who it's from.
   
3. If she's just having a drink and not eating anything, order her a slice of cake. Don't order cheesecake--not everyone likes it. And the prettier the cake the better.
4. Big spender? Order cake for everyone at her table.
   
5. If she smiles at you and graciously accepts the drink/dessert, walk on over to her after a while and ask for her number.
6. NEVER leave her with the bill, even if she refuses to give you her number. That's just horrid (plus I don't think the cafe staff would let you get away with it).
   

CONFERENCE

1. Sit. Next. To. Her.
2. Or, after the conference, grab a coffee, stand next to her and raise a friendly (FRIENDLY) debate.
3. Gawd this one is easy.
   

GYM

1. Juice bar juice bar JUICE BAR.
2. Is she joining a class? Go in with her. After the class, mingle a bit. Talk about the class, complain a little or show off a little (note: a little), then let the conversation flow from there.
3. Is she using gym equipment and good at it? Unless you're covered in tell-tale rippling muscles, tell her you're new at the whole gym thing and ask her how to use the 'thingy' next to her. Don't call it a stepper/butterfly press/whatever. You're a noob, remember?
4. If you are covered in rippling muscles, tell her you usually work out on the football field/dragon boat (dragon boaters are pretty much an instant hit with me) and you're only now using fancy gym machines.
   
5. Is she using gym equipment and bad at it? Teach her laaaa.
6. Is she watching a show? Just slide onto the gymcycle/stepper/treadmill next to her, and ask her which TV channel she's tuned into. Then watch the same programme, and whenever something interesting happens, laugh together/comment on it.

PARTY

1. I will not insult your intelligence by showing you around this one.

And because I'd know,
COLLEGE

1. Smart classmate: Ask for homework help.
2. Not-so-smart classmate: Just ask for her number, she won't say no.
3. Non-classmate: Ask the girl about your most recent assignment--any recent assignment, as long as she hasn't a single clue what you're on about. And then 'Oh you're not in my Journalism 101 class? That's weird, because you looked really familiar. My bad. I'm John, by the way. Well, thanks for your... potential help (reward self for joke with short chuckle). Oh right, one more question--do you know where the photography lab is? I've been looking everywhere...' Chances are you won't walk away with her number, but you'll have had a pleasant starter conversation, and the next time you see her, you'll be exchanging smiles, and a few more smiles later--BOOM!--friendship.
4. 'Hey, are you a mass communications student? Yeah, I was thinking of maybe transferring into that faculty, so I wanted to know what it was like. What's your major? Oh sorry, I'm John, by the way...'
5. Crowded cafeterias are perfect: join her table because all the other tables suck/are taken.

WHY WOMEN THINK YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT

1. It's flattering.
2. Once you have the confidence to approach a girl, even one you don't know, and properly, you really will be regarded as 'A Class Above' all other males.
3. It's flattering.
   
4. We're sick of you men (1) wolf-whistling, (2) staring, and (3) taking not-so-discreet pictures of the girl with a cell phone.
5. It's flattering.
   
6. We spend fortunes on our shoes and wardrobe, spend an extra two hours on our hair and makeup, go through nightly three-step routines to fight breakouts, and prance around looking and smelling wonderful so that this sort of thing can happen to us. So yes it's exactly What We Want!
7. It's fla... Yes, and I'm a woman, so I should know.
   

RULES OF PLAY

1. If she seems too nervous/annoyed that a stranger is talking to her, stop it.
2. If she is younger than 16 and you are older than 20, please refrain.
3. If her friends are being bitchy, leave her alone. If you date the girl with bitchy friends, you date the bitchy friends as well.
4. Be not creepy.
5. This falls under (4), but it's worth stating clearly: DO NOT use the puckered-lip-squeaking noise to hail for her attention. It's very, very rude and I swear there was a guy I once quite liked but the minute I heard that monkey squeak I was put off him forever. The monkey squeak ruins your chances, period.
   
6. If she doesn't give you her number, don't disregard my ideas as crap--you're just not good enough for her. Or, she already has a boyfriend. Or, she's a lesbian.
7. But most likely, you're just not good enough for her.
8. Haha. Just kidding.
9. ...Psyche.
   

I know, I know: I'm a genius. Here's where you can thank me.

P.S. I will not wave my wand of self-appointed dictatorship over same-sex relationships, as there are those couples with parties of equal femme/butch proportions. Do not make me go there.